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"Joe Smith" has abducted Maria's Gnome and told us:
We have Maria's Gnome with the glow in the dark ball. He is safe...for now.
She will get him back in exchange for a big batch of sausage and meetballs, which she has to leave at a specific location we haven't decided on yet.
Until then, the Gnome will be held captive and maybe tortured or something.
Maria, let us know when you have the sausage and, uh, meetballs so we can get your gnome back to you!
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WW wrote us:
The day after Halloween I realized with horror that my gnome was missing. Today, November 6th we received this in the mail.
I can't tell you how distraught we are over this. We probably shouldn't even be saying anything for fear of his safety, but we don't know where else to turn. If there is a Gnome Negotiator can you please get us in touch with them?
-WW
How about it? Where is the Gnome Gnegotiator?
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Trick or Treat? We received this message on Halloween day in the US:
Has something gone missing in your garden?
And by any chance would it be 13.5 inches tall have a purple hat, Pink pants, florescent green shoes and have a taste for Elvis?
He is now being held in a room with no windows strapped to a taupe colored paint can and is being forced to listen to the hits of Johnny Cash.
Also he is being forced to eat only remnants of dead furry woodland creatures. He will be returned on the payment of two pink mousetraps, a pair of elf shoes size 1,and 1024 goldfish. MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Yours truly,
Monkey Face and peach cheeks elimbardedo
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"I HAVE A GNOME"
We just received this ransom note for the gnome shown below (apparently in Detroit but now possibly in Canada). If this is your gnome or you know the gnome's home, please contact us immediately!
The attatched gnome will be returned for 714 reese's peanut butter eggs. His travels will be updated tri-weekly from various points around the United States.
-Anonymous
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Greetings imperialist repressor!
In an act of selfless liberation, we the people of Gnomo Liberar have freed 'your' enslavened Gnome from the bonds of your elitist chains and, therefore, from its subservient existence! Let it be known that all Gnomes should live as free and equal citizens of the subterranean world and will not suffere the repression and bondage of the terrestrial imperialist!
In the spirit of our brothers from France Normandy to Germany to England London to Thuringia Graefenroda! Yes! Front de Liberation des Nains de Jardins! Yes! MALAG! Yest Gnomo Liberar! Viva Gnomo!
As is the world the domain of the Gnome, so shall the earth be!
Gnomo de el mundo unir!
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Thank you but we're not sure what Che Guevara would think of becoming a gnome.
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We are currently holding a gnome. He is at my house. He is clad in a blue jacket and is wheelbarrowing flowers. Red shoes and a orange hat are also in his possession. Every night he cries for his owner and I laugh. I've already taken him to Sea World and Six Flags. He rode Superman with me. I will give him back on one condition: five million other gnomes! Bahahahaha.
Best Wishes,
Gnome Stealers United Way.
By the way, this is a load of crap.
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5 million gnomes for one gnome? That is a load of crap.
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